Whew…I almost want to quote the Queen by saying that this last year turned out to be a ‘Annus Horribilis’. Long story, either way…but here’s to a new year and a new start on my blog. Ok..that’s enough reform for one post…I don’t wanna hurt anything.

Ok…it doesn’t have to be a REAL superhero quote…just something they might say.

My favorite is….”Man, it drives me crazy when I get a wiff of bacon cooking and then I realize it’s my super-powerful nose smelling it in another town.”

What’s your favorite Superhero quote?

Number of popsicles I’ve eaten today: 4

Number of sales calls I’ve gotten today: 5

Number of times I have used the excuse that my goat is in labor to avoid those sale calls: 4

Number of times I have had to change the channel for my son today: 3

Number of times today I had to view my son standing in the bathroom with his ass up in the air: 2

How many cups of coffee I have had so far: 2

Number of times my son has asked me what we were doing today: 4

Number of times I have given serious thought as to what I am going to do today: 1

Total emails that I have received today that were about my imaginary, extraordinarily small penis: 16…no, wait make that 17

Total emails received today: 83

Total emails worth reading: 3

Total estimated loads of laundry that need to get done today: 6

Actual loads of laundry that will get done today: 2, lights and darks

Number of times I have been tripped, jumped on, or butted by one of my animals TODAY: 6

Number of times today I have stepped in something left behind by one of my animals: 2

Number of times today my son as screamed at the top of his lungs, for no apparent reason: 7

Number of times I have checked the temperature outside in disbelief that 85 degrees could feel so miserable: 9

Checking my lottery numbers to see if I have won 100 million dollars

Searching the word “cover” on limewire

Watching Adam and Jamie on a Mythbusters Marathon

Eating Popsicles one after another

Avoiding mowing the lawn

Reading other peoples blogs

Avoiding the mountain range of laundry that runs from my room to the laundry room

Googling Survivor to see if I can gather clues to the next show

Googling Harry Potter to see if I can gather clues to the next book

Googling Milli Vanilli to see what they are up to now

Wondering why google/googling is not in the US dictionary yet

Petitioning for Lindsay Lohan to eat on the feedlindsay.com website

Annoying my son by doing all of MY favorite things today and not his

Editors note: This list is from Sunday. I never posted it because I ended up spending too much time googling stuff.

I now know exactly what my job will be in hell, that is if I don’t make through the pearly gates when I die.

I will become a public servant for Heaven…but it will be the job that no one wants. When I die, it will be my job to check in all of the little animals that died sad, unfortunate deaths. Over and over, I will have to view all of the sad little faces of animals that never felt a child’s lap, or that may have died from their brains being squished on the road or from slowly starving to death.

And you think your job sucks right now.

Truth be told….it breaks my heart that so many animals are destroyed every year. In the country here, we see alot of “backyard negect”. (that’s my catch phase) Neglect where people let their animals run free to get hit by cars or knock up other animals in the neighborhood.

Seriously folks….get those dogs and cats spayed and neutered.

“Each year, in the United States, 27 million cats and dogs are born. Between 5 and 8 million of these animals are euthanized because homes are unable to be found for them. It is a tragic end to these young lives. Overpopulation is a problem that results in hundreds of thousands of animals being killed each month. There are many reasons for this – all of which are preventable. The answer to this huge problem is simple: reduce the number of animals coming into this world. The routine procedure of spaying and neutering dogs and cats would result in fewer unwanted animals, thus reducing or eliminating the heartbreaking process of euthanizing innocent animals left in our overcrowded shelters. ”

Nuf said….

I hope everyone had an enjoyable, uncatastrophic fourth of July weekend filled with lazy afternoons and barbeques. I also hope that everyone’s fingers and toes are still intact. My weekend was nice and relaxing and very lazy, I can prove it if you come over and look at the state of my house. We have managed to undo two weeks worth of cleaning in one weekend.

I was able to secure at least one nap this weekend, in between phone calls and fireworks. I would have had two but my imagination got the better of me. I was laying in bed on Monday afternoon, just about to fall asleep when I heard Devin going on yet another imaginative rant about his jet pack and shooting the bad guys, a thing he gets from playing too many violent video games at his tender young age. So, again, I am lying in bed and I started thinking that I could make him a REAL, pretend jetpack and maybe stop him from using my purse as a jet pack.

The purpose of a nap is to relax, not to think about all the things you COULD or should be doing if you weren’t in bed. Unfortunately, like I said, my imagination got the best of me and I got up out of bed to make my son a jetpack.

When we were little, we all dreamed of all the things we could do or be, and if we were lucky, we had someone dream with us. I think that dreaming of far away places and unattainable goals is what really keeps us young and happy. Most days I just dream of a clean house, paid bills and healthy loved ones. Many days, I don’t dream at all. Isn’t that sad…and old!?! Today, I will dream…today I am a princess and a zoologist and an international spy.

What are you today?

You know….all morning I have been trying to think of something witty and charming to post about, but dammit, I just don’t feel witty and charming. I think I am fighting some kind of infection from sticking a pair of pruning shears into my knee. Maybe it’s just a bug of laziness, either way, I still don’t feel witty and charming. Luckily, we have corporate commercial America to keep us up when we feel down.

My latest obsession has been entering sweepstakes. While browsing the latest in celebrity gossip, I saw a banner for a sweepstakes that I felt compelled to enter. (And this new obsession is probably going to land me on every mailing list on the internet) I wasn’t quite prepared for what I saw….and luckily it was good enough to share….even if you don’t enter the sweepstakes, which I didn’t because it actually required me to get off my ass and mail something. Here is the link of what I saw…

http://www.allwashclub.com/softentrump/home.html

Not sure which is my favorite, they are all quite amusing. So amusing, in fact, that I decided to share it with Devin, a mistake I regretted afterwards. Devin kept shouting “do it again mom! Hooray! Now the top one!” Just like that commercial for the minivan crashing with the 2 kids….now the red one Bob! What about your car?

At least I am still witty and charming to him.

TOP REASONS NOT TO WORK FROM HOME
————————————-
No one to email when the refrigerator gets stinky from mystery leftovers

Too many quiet places to take a nap

No one to call when the internet connection is slow

Arthur, Barney, and Callou

No handy soda machine with juicy choices for a nice cold beverage

14 mile drive to get a cold soda of my choice

I now own more pieces of sleepwear than workwear

Impulse Naps

My car now looks more like my old cubicle

Naps to recover from my impulse naps

No one to complain to when the coffee is gone…ok there wasn’t any one before but at least there was someone to hear me bitch about it

No one offers to pick up lunch when I am buried in work

14 mile drive for 1 fast food restaurant

The litter box

Not sleeping at night from too many naps

Too much time alone with a box of popsicles

My couch

No free lunches

For the last several months, I have been feeling terribly guilty for not taking time out of my day to make blog entries. I don’t know how my husband finds time to do it everyday when he can’t find time to feed the dog or rotate recliners every night to avoid creating a butt-groove in our new sofa.

His blogs are always full of insight and humor and interesting subjects, it just makes me want to move his favorite shoes over to the corner where the cat likes to puke. His days must be so intriguing to provoke such literary genius, well, either that or his job just lacks enough intrigue to keep him from doing it. His genius and intrigue is why I fell in love with him, well, that and his extraordinarily, large shoe size.

I must not be guilty of being so boring, boring makes you old. I must try to be interesting again, I must try to find the humor in everyday life and it’s daily challenges….or at least find humor in other peoples everyday lives and daily challenges.

Now you can do one of two things…you can visit the site tomorrow and see if I have posted anything new or you can visit it in two months to see my next post.

My five year old was asking me questions today. Now, if you’ve ever had a five year old, you will understnad that statement. He wasn’t asking A question, he was asking me questions……Mommy, why does the sun shine during the day, but not at night? Mommy, why is a jedi’s lightsabor sometimes red? Mommy, why can’t I have popsicles for breakfast? Mommy, where does God live? You know, questions that I can’t really give a good answer to….one after another.

Then he asked me a question I could answer, but I wouldn’t.

Mommy, do wishes really come true?