Number of popsicles I’ve eaten today: 4

Number of sales calls I’ve gotten today: 5

Number of times I have used the excuse that my goat is in labor to avoid those sale calls: 4

Number of times I have had to change the channel for my son today: 3

Number of times today I had to view my son standing in the bathroom with his ass up in the air: 2

How many cups of coffee I have had so far: 2

Number of times my son has asked me what we were doing today: 4

Number of times I have given serious thought as to what I am going to do today: 1

Total emails that I have received today that were about my imaginary, extraordinarily small penis: 16…no, wait make that 17

Total emails received today: 83

Total emails worth reading: 3

Total estimated loads of laundry that need to get done today: 6

Actual loads of laundry that will get done today: 2, lights and darks

Number of times I have been tripped, jumped on, or butted by one of my animals TODAY: 6

Number of times today I have stepped in something left behind by one of my animals: 2

Number of times today my son as screamed at the top of his lungs, for no apparent reason: 7

Number of times I have checked the temperature outside in disbelief that 85 degrees could feel so miserable: 9